14 stories that keep me hoping and wishing for a big life
for the days we loose faith in humanity a little
I’ve been thinking a lot about life, as you can probably tell.
big questions have me sleeping later than usual or waking me up in the middle of the night. maybe it’s because I’ve been trying to move forward while feeling chained to heavy baggage I never asked to carry. maybe it’s fear. maybe it’s just my overthinking, overachieving, anxious, people-pleasing brain doing its thing.
maybe it’s all of that combined.
my friends laugh at me constantly because I have a tendency to re-read books and re-watch movies more than anybody they know. I wish I had another explanation other than I hyperfixate on things that bring me comfort, and I need to analyze and re-analyze and understand why until I feel satisfied. or, in a moment of need, I simply go back to things I know, and somehow make me feel worthy of love or believing again that love exists.
so yeah, I watch ‘pride and prejudice’ at least once a year. I’ll re-read ‘fourth wing’ if I need to see a man so devoted it would definitely gift him a restraining order in the real world. I go back to stars hollow if I need a mother figure to discover life with me. if things are really dark, I’ll even go back to hogwarts for a little while, but I’ll do it in secret, in the quiet of the night, because a horrible human being is sucking the magic out of it and I refuse to give her the satisfaction.
I’ve been thinking about this, you know, how scary the future looks. I also have a tendency towards the negative, and it’s easy for me to start believing the machine revolution is coming and we’ll all be serving robots in the (very) near future, and not the other way around. I’m scared of not having the means to keep living and, to be honest with you, sometimes I even question if it’s worth it.
but, you know, I made a commitment. “dying is easy, young man, living is harder,” says hamilton’s george washington, and I keep coming back to that as well because it’s comforting even though I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in the history of the united states (sorry, guys), but I love lin-manuel miranda.
and most recently, I’ve been thinking how the stories that teach me about life and living and give me hope of a happy ending, even though the path to that is rough and the ending is not even an ending but a next phase, are the ones that I relate to the most.
so, you know, considering I made a public commitment and I’m assuming you’re committed as well (you know, at least in my head), I thought a change in mindset (ew) was called for.
I really, really don’t have the answers. but I do feel we all need a tight hug and a hot cup of coffee and someone to sit with us under the blanket in a comfy sofa, asking ‘how are you, really?’
so this is me, I guess, giving you a hug. handing you a steaming cup of coffee in my favourite white-with-tiny-black-hearts mug. cozying up with you under the blanket and asking:
‘how are you, really?’
14 stories that keep me hoping and wishing for a big life
rest assured that whenever I need real, true comfort, I go after one of the titles on this list. I can create a ‘dissociating list’ if you want, for those days I really just need to read/watch something that will make me forget about thoughts and work and responsibilities for a while.
those two things are very different. dissociating, for me, is very much related to tiredness. you know, when you can't really do anything consciously anymore and just need to zoom out for a second. comfort is a deeper need. it translates to being seen and understood and validated. and, most of all, it's about feeling hopeful.
I’m not really a ‘recommendation’ type of woman because I’ll mostly talk about the same 5 books or movies over and over until someone points it all out to me and I feel inadequate and kind of dumb, and then I’ll look for another 5 things to obsess about—and you get the idea, right?
but I thought long and hard about this list and hopefully it can help you on an emotional rainy day. let’s start with my favourite category:
books
1. ‘the wedding people’, alison espach
a recent read that I defined as ‘the hug I didn’t know I needed but got anyway’. to which my best friend replied ‘I knew you needed it, which is why I recommended it to you’. not only is this book beautifully written, funny and with an amazing premise, it speaks of mental health issues in such a sensible, comforting way, I was actually taken aback. phoebe is now one of my favourite main female characters of all time and I loved everything about the story, the way it’s presented and the ending. not only did I laugh out loud (for real, not in the ‘I replied ‘lol’ but didn’t really lol’) many times, I also ugly cried so hard I needed a time out—not out of sadness, mind you, but because I was so touched.
(my friends will argue that I cry over every little thing, but I’ll vouch for this ‘ugly cry worthy book’ seal of approval.)
2. ‘anna and the french kiss’, stephanie perkins
now, hear me out before you judge me: this is YA. I read this book as a late-teen and it’s still, to this day, my favourite book of all time. why? because I saw myself so much in anna and the way she navigated life, you know? she was scared of doing things out of her comfort zone, I’m scared of doing things out of my comfort zone. she judged too quickly and made terrible decisions, I judge too quickly and make terrible decisions. you get the point. but this is a very simple, feel-good book with a very predictable ending but that made all the difference for someone trying to find her path in life. also, I think stephanie’s writing in this is hilarious, so, extra points for the laughs.
3. ‘pride and prejudice’, jane austen
I mean… we both saw this coming, right? it shouldn’t be news to you, at this point. we’ve been friends a while and all that. but to explain it a little further: the reason ‘pride and prejudice’ holds such a dear place in my heart is because it keeps reminding me of the effort we need to put in for relationships to work. both mr. darcy and lizzie had to get down from their high horses and see that they were being judgmental and kinda arrogant about their positions. and even though I absolutely love that lizzie stood her ground on things she believed in, I love in equal measure how she had to come to terms with the fact that she misjudged someone. also, mr. darcy doing the work and improving himself in spite of having his feelings corresponded is just top-tier level of romance.
4. ‘romeo and juliet’, william shakespeare
I have read this book more times than it’s socially acceptable. I’ve seen every single movie adaptation (hot take: baz luhrmann's 1996 version is my favourite—I’m sold to 90’s leo dicaprio every time). and I have a feeling that people keep misunderstanding the point of the story. because, to me, this is not a romance, per se. it talks about overcoming differences and working together to reach a common goal (ending the family feuds, in case that’s not clear still). I also love the interpretation of romeo and juliet as the path to enlightenment, and how juliet represents our true lovable nature and romeo as someone stumbling and struggling to get to her level (hence the balcony scene). I could talk about this for hours, but every time I finish a re-read I'm torn between building a time machine to go hug mr. shakespeare and crying myself to sleep hugging a fully-eaten-recently-empty ice cream bucket.
5. ‘fresh water for flowers’, valérie perrin
this book. this book. I mean, if you could leave this post with only one recommendation to actually read, then please choose ‘fresh water for flowers’. the way it describes death and the relationship people have with it, and also how it narrates and works the story of the main characters… *insert janet’s voice* oh. my. god! truly beautiful. I actually stared at a blank wall for, like, two hours after I finished. it still haunts me, how breathtaking it is. it reminded me of the possibility of creating a beautiful life even when hardship is all you know.
movies
1. ‘the secret life of walter mitty’ (prime video)
I feel like this movie is seriously underrated. but I see myself in walter mitty so much. you know? with the imagining the incredible things happening while waiting for the metro? yeah, that’s 100% me. much like ‘anna and the french kiss’, I feel like this movie explores what can happen when you give yourself the chance to step even a tiny bit away from your comfort zone. how beautiful and exciting life can be. also, what happens when you give up control—a big topic over my many, many years of therapy.
2. ‘departures’ (apple tv+ / plex)
one of the most beautiful movies I have ever watched. departures is a japanese movie that follows a man working for a funerary agency in a small town in japan. I was forever changed after watching this because the way the character grows and affects the mourners' lives with his work as the movie evolves is just… indescribable. I cried for, like, half an hour after the movie ended. it’s a beautiful retelling of the value we can find in life, even in death.
3. ‘life itself’ (prime video)
I know this movie is a little controversial. apparently, most people hated it? and I cried for two hours after I finished watching it? I swear I sent the following message to my friend afterwards: “I’m trying to eat dinner, but it’s hard because I can’t stop crying”. it’s from the creators of ‘this is us’, so expect lots of family drama, but it just gutted me how it portrayed generational trauma and relationships and the true meaning of love.
‘this is life. and this is what it does. life brings you to your knees. it brings you lower than you think you can go. but if you stand back up and move forward, if you go just a little farther, you will always find love.”
4. ‘about time’ (netflix)
if I tell you I cry every single time I watch this movie, will you believe me? or have the many mentions of ugly crying taken the meaning out of it already? as with ‘romeo and juliet’, I feel like people miss the point with this one. it is indeed a love story, but it’s mostly a story about learning how to live your life in a way that doesn’t require you any remakes. you know? noting the small things and being kind and sharing the love and being there for the people you care about. it’s just… beautiful.
5. ‘how to train your dragon’ (apple tv+)
again, one of my favourite movies of all time. friendship has been such an important topic in my life and as with most of the stories on this list, it really gets down to not judging too quickly, and having the time and patience to understand others and learning how you can help each other and grow together. you know? I recently watched this in a special event, with a full orchestra playing the soundtrack live with the movie and I felt like I was watching it again for the first time. such a heart-warming experience.
TV shows
1. ‘fleabag’ (prime video)
after I watched season one of ‘fleabag’ I was like… ‘why do people like this show?’. but after season two… phoebe waller-bridge is a genius and ‘fleabag’ is an amazing portrait of humans. we all have feelings and thoughts like fleabag’s. we have complicated relationships and fall in love with the wrong person at the right time and one day realize we’re okay to walk on our own. season 2 is one of my favourite things to watch when I need the reminder I’m not as horrible or as lonely or as sad as I think I am.
2. ‘gilmore girls’ (netflix)
let me just start this by saying that I strongly disliked rory from episode 1. I didn't watch the show for her, I watched it for lorelai and luke and emily and richard. being the same age as lorelai now made me realise that, yes, adults don’t really know what they’re doing, we’re all figuring it out as we go and also, how ok it is to embrace your quirks and be yourself (even though I believe the christopher phase should never have existed).
3. ‘the marvelous mrs. maisel’ (prime video)
yes, I am an amy sherman-palladino fan, thanks for asking! I recently watched all five seasons of ‘mrs. maisel', and even though I have strong opinions about season 5, I absolutely loved it. I said it before, how I can't stop re-watching the final monologue and how it's stuck with me, living rent-free in my mind. it's beautiful to look at because the colors and the wardrobe are just amazing, but also the dialogues are incredible, midge's growth arc is just top-notch and I love her relationship with suzie. they're just the best pair, you know?
4. ‘ted lasso’ (apple tv+)
I mean, is it even a surprise that this show is here? I'm not a fan of futbol. at all. I get bitten by the bug every four years for the world cup, but that's it. and this is one of my favourite shows ever. because it's just so optimistic and heart-warming and honest and well-thought, you know? I'm obsessed with jason sudeikis thought-process for this one and how he had this rule that no jokes making fun of characters, who they were, how they looked or their life-choices were allowed. and the cultural references, the humor, and just everything fascinates me. as someone who's crazy about words and writing and just communication in general, this was a blast to watch. and I go back to it every time I feel I have lost a little bit of faith in humanity.
my lord, was this long. and I think I was a bit repetitive? sorry, but like I said: once I love something I really, really, really do and I can't stop gushing about it. for a completely understandable reason, I feel like going through every single item on this list this week, just because it made me smile writing about things I adore.
hopefully it did the same for you.
anyway, if you feel like adding to the list, please don't hesitate to leave your recommendation in the comments! I'll promise I'll get to it as soon as I stop hyperfixating with the items above.
(also, I'm thinking of making this a ‘live list’ and adding stuff as I go. so make sure to come back, because it'll keep growing!).
that's it for today.
take care,