embracing 'hopecore' in a world that's falling apart

I know, hard times.

I see them almost every day.

at around 8 o’clock every morning, I take my dog for a walk—the last one before I start working. I always do the same path around the block because 1) it’s faster; 2) I walk longer with him after I wake up at 5, so this is just a necessary break before we are both chained to my work desk.

they are always at the corner, waiting for the school bus. mom, dad, and their three kids. they’re talking, excited about the day, I guess, all bundled up in their winter coats. I think they’re like me—latin, I mean—, but they speak to each other in spanish instead of portuguese.

I walk past them and give a little smile. it’s nice to see a big (apparently) happy family. something I feel I never had.

my walk continues, Michael Scott smells all the smells and I enjoy the moment of pause before the overload of information to come. by the time I’m walking back to my apartment, I see them again.

this time, though, only the dad remains. the bus came and went, the children climbed on, and now dad is waving goodbye, almost standing in the middle of the street, while his children all wave back from the rear windshield.

he uses his hands to make millennial hearts.

he blows kisses.

he waves and waves and waves.

until the bus makes a turn and is no longer visible.

sometimes, he’s still there, just to make sure they’re really gone, I imagine.

it’s heartwarming. and it’s always a good day when I get to see that.

right now, it feels like the world is falling apart. maybe not the world, per se, but life for the human species. winter is harsh (thank gods that’s almost over), the beginning of the year was harsher than usual and reading the news is heartbreaking—which is why I don’t do that anymore.

the other day I was talking to someone new, sharing my experience as an immigrant and how I was struggling with winter and they said: ‘it makes sense, you’re a sunflower. you need the sun.’ that made me smile too, because it’s true. I am a sunflower and I need the sun, but I was feeling myself withering, becoming more and more pessimistic and sad as days went by.

I even posted that I was having a hard time finding joy and that I came to the realization that I needed to find it again.

but how’s that possible with such a chaotic existence?

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fighting apathy

we’ve been dying since the beginning of time. that’s nothing new. I know we love to imagine life as eternal and youth as never-ending, but every new day is actually one less day. ‘death and taxes are the only certainty in life’ my grandad used to say, and he might be right.

we’re all going to die eventually. and we all have taxes to pay.

so did the impending doom start to mellow our plans? another friend reminded me the other day that ‘the world is always ending’. if not for climate change, because of war. if not for war, a pandemic. if not for a pandemic, cold war. if not for cold war, the plague.

you get the idea, right?

they say ‘where there’s life, there’s hope’, but when I look around , I feel like we have lost hope. we have lost the ability to hope and to dream and to expect something better. we decided not to fight anymore , and the fighting hasn’t even started yet.

on a personal level… I think it finally clicked for me that I’m aging. I can see the signs—a few more white hairs than I used to have, some lines that seem more permanent than others—, and they make me wonder:

do I really want to live not hoping for the best for myself and those I love?

it was one of those ‘something has to change moments’.

and since it’s pretty hard to blow up the whole late-capitalism-big-tech-oligarchy-insane-presidents as a one-woman show (I wouldn’t put it past us, though), I decided to start the only way I could:

focusing on what I can control.

there will always be bigger battles, the great wars, the defining moments. however, I now understand that the battles around me are more important. the obstacles and difficulties in arm's reach are the ones I can solve. maybe not all of them at once, but definitely one at a time.

the way I face my days, how much I enjoy my reality, the things I do and who I do them with, how I treat others... making sure I take one new step in the direction I want to go instead of worrying about a tomorrow that hasn’t arrived yet.

that doesn’t even exist, if we’re being completely honest.

I understood I needed to set foot in my beliefs and remember to stay there when I got distracted by the horrors of the world.

from my little corner of the world, I can see people are apathetic. we’re losing touch with reality, but not in a ‘sci-fi-technology-is-going-to-dominate-us’ way. oh no, we’re deep into the ‘I-don’t-want-to-be-here-anymore-so-I-allow-myself-to-dissociate-and-keep-myself-dissociated-as-long-as-I-can’ way.

and, well, technology is just enjoying that ride.

listen, we still need to care about the big fights. I’m not talking about going full delulu and just pretending bad things aren’t happening. they are, and they affect us—even if they happen miles and miles away.

but I’m a firm believer that to care about the big things, we first need to learn how to care about the little things, a.k.a the things we can control, everything that is physically and metaphorically close to us.

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embracing ‘hopecore’

I’m thinking about writing a full piece on ‘how to start caring for stuff’, but in the meantime, I’ve decided to fully embrace ‘hopecore’. yes, that’s right. I’m taking hope and making it even more beautiful—creating something that’s not only an aesthetic, but a way of living.

because living without hope is like not living at all.

and I believe we’ve done enough of that.

a couple of days ago, while thinking about everything you’ve read above, i came up with a question:

if tomorrow doesn’t exist yet, what can I do for myself today?

maybe it’s wishful thinking, but asking myself this question daily has transformed the way I handle my days. as someone with chronic anxiety, I lose myself to thoughts of tomorrow and forget that there’s so much I can do today to make my future more beautiful.

not for others, but for me.

and I know that by making it more beautiful for me, it resonates and allows others to do the same. we’re all connected, after all.

I don’t have all the answers for how to make us collectively more hopeful. again, what I can do is share what I’ve been doing and hope (ha!) that it will help you, too:

1. spending more time with people I love

this past week, I got a lovely email from the grande bibliothèque de montréal letting me know the book I was in line for, ‘the things we leave unfinished’ by rebecca yarros, was available. as usual, I could have quickly gone alone after work, grabbed my book and gone back home, where I’d rot for the rest of the day. instead, I decided that I could turn a simple errand into a cool hangout moment with a friend, so I asked her know and we went together.

it turned an average, simple day into a new memory, where we gossiped and walked around books and stories and ‘the empyrean’ merchandising at indigo later. spending time with the people we love always makes us happier and more hopeful.

2. bringing colour to a colorless life

I feel like social media made us bland. not only on an emotional level, but a physical one, too. everything is black and white or (ew) beige, and minimalism became the norm. I’m trying to make my apartment feel more like home, and I’ve decided I refuse to avoid colour. I needed a mirror for my living room, so I bought a pink one. my couch is emerald green (and my most loved possession), and I’ve been buying myself flowers. living in Canada has taught me the valuable lesson of how much color and light affect your mood.

3. daydreaming about the future

ok, hear me out: I know it’s been hard. I’m learning how to do this, too. but trust me when i say we’re allowed to dream about better days. to write things down on our wishlists and work for them.

big things. big accomplishments!

write a book! visit korea before turning 40! become a full-time writer! get married!

whatever it is you want to do, dream about it, visualize it, hell, make daily affirmations about it if you need to. but learn how to dream again and how to expect better things for yourself and those around you.

that’s how we’ll change the world, I think. by doing what we can, day after day, and inspiring others to do the same.

we fight apathy with hope.

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that’s it for today.

take care,

maki.